April 17

Ultimate Beginners Guide To Femdom | With 3 Scenes To Try!

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Leather boots. Latex Corsets. Whips and chains. That’s what female domination is all about, right?

Well, actually, no! Female domination is one of the most misunderstood fetishes, as many of us have only been exposed to the stereotypical pop culture leather-clad dominatrix, which can be sensual for some but a bit intense for others.

The cold, stern image described above can make people shy away from exploring the wonderful kink of femdom. But here’s a secret - Femdom is all about what brings YOU (as the domme) pleasure.

You can dress as a typical dominatrix if that’s what makes you hot - but there is nothing wrong with wearing what makes you feel confident, even if that’s nothing at all. 

There are so many creative, sexy, and kinky ways to explore femdom - even as a beginner!

Lets first have some foreplay and delve into the basics of femdom before I give you 3 different hot, steamy femdom scenes, perfect for beginners -- no leather, latex, or whips required.

What is FemDom?

FemDom is an abbreviation for the fetish known as Female Domination. It is an umbrella term that has many other specific fetishes underneath it, but they have one thing in common...

The female/femme partner is the one in control.  

Popular fetishes in the FemDom kink include

  • Body part worship: Having your partner lick, suck, and pleasure certain body parts. Such as the feet, butt, breasts or full body.
  • Humiliation: consensually teasing and embarrassing your partner in an arousing way, such as making them wear your panties, calling them names, or making them complete humiliating tasks.
  • Pain play: spanking, whipping, slapping.
  • Chastity: not allowing your partner to orgasm for an extended period of time.

However, for a beginner, these terms may be a little scary, and so let’s take it back to the basics.

FemDom often has an element of teasing involved, such as making your partner complete a task before rewarding them (or not!) with something sexy. 

Perhaps you make them beg for you before allowing them to stroke their cock for you. Maybe you have a specific pre-sex ritual that you want your partner to follow before they are allowed pleasure.

Know that in a dom/sub relationship, the sub will be happy and willing to give you pleasure - so don’t be shy to ask for exactly what you want! 

Confidence is a huge thing with FemDom, you have to not be scared to take control - and your partner will be so excited to know they are bringing you the type of pleasure YOU like.

So what’s the difference between FemDom and Gentle FemDom?

Gentle Femme

Gentle femdom is a term that has been created in the past few years to highlight the side of femdom that has a nurturing, gentle side.

Often there is a role-play in the gentle femdom relationship, with the domme taking the role of a nurturing, but stern woman.  

Role-plays that are common in the gentle femdom dynamic include nurse/patient, mommy/little-one, or teacher and student.

Imagine yourself in one of these roles - you wanted to make these types of figures in your life happy, because it made you feel good to have positive feedback from them. This dynamic carries over into the gentle femdom fetish, as the domme is able to be in a loving, positive, but still dominant role, and the sub gets to worship and please their domme. 

These types of role plays are very sensual and loving and don’t involve pain, humiliation, or bondage like a regular femdom scene often does.

For more information, check out this article on Cosmo about Gentle Femdom.

How can I get started with Gentle Femdom?

The first step of exploring ANY fetish with your partner is communication!

You can bring it up with your partner in a very open way, like, “Have you heard about gentle femdom? I think it may be something I want to explore with you in the following ways”, then explaining what fantasy you have with your partner.

 It’s so important to listen, follow up and keep the communication open from the first conversation through the end of the scene.  What someone may consent to one day may change in the moment when emotions and energy are high.  

Many couples decide to incorporate safe-words during their scene, something like “Red” or “Avocado”, that lets the other party know they need a break or need to end the scene.  Even though one partner is dominant in this play, the submissive party needs to feel safe to stop the scene at any time - you’re exploring something new and learning what each other likes and needs from your gentle femdom play. There’s nothing wrong with regrouping and going a new direction.

Gentle Femdom Scene

Gentle Femdom Tips For Beginners

Gentle Femdom can be explored in or out of the bedroom. Here are some sexy ideas to help you get started:

  • Have your partner get you dressed for a night out.  After a shower, let your partner rub lotion on you, put perfume on you and dress you - panties, bra, and shoes.  He will be in lust getting able to touch your body in such a sensual way - and craving to take everything back off at the end of the night.
  • Tell your partner to check in with you at different times of the day. Maybe you require them to send you an explicit picture at a certain time to ensure you are on their mind all day. Maybe you tell them to go somewhere and give them some teasing phone sex on their lunch break - and not allow them to masturbate - only allow them to release when they see you in person.
  • Have your submissive partner wear something under his clothes that only you two know about. You could write your name on their chest, or have them wear an anklet or necklace that symbolizes your domination over them. Every time they happen to get a glimpse of your secret emblem, they will be aroused by your secret flirtation.
  • Praise is more important than punishment in gentle femdom. When your sub succeeds in giving you pleasure, make sure you give them praise and love.  Your nurturing, sensual femininity will make your sub even more excited to please you.  
  • Tease is another big part of Gentle Femdom.  Driving your partner crazy with lust and submission often comes from keeping them aroused and denying their orgasm until YOU are ready for them to orgasm. But how does that work?

Tease and Denial for Beginners

Tease and Denial, also called edging, is the process of working your partner to near orgasm multiple times, then backing off.

Many men report that being teased to the edge of orgasm and staying there can actually be more pleasurable than ejaculation.  

The hyper aroused state makes everything so much more intense for them, which gives the domme an advantage.  Male subs often feel “weak” when they are edging, meaning they are more willing to submit to their domme’s pleasure.  Of course, as we discussed above, limits must always be respected - especially when someone is out of their mind with lust!

Teasing can start outside the bedroom, getting your sub totally worked up.  Try wearing no panties under a dress, skirt, or shorts and make sure to bend over and grind on your sub throughout the day. Rub your breasts against him in an innocent way. 

Allow him to towel dry your naked body. 

Anything that ensures your sexy self is the only thing on his mind. Pretty soon he will be craving your touch - and that’s where the real fun begins.

When your sub is aroused, you can have him stroke himself for you, or stroke him, give him oral, or have penetration.

You want to get your sub to the very edge of orgasm - you may need him to tell you when the sensations are getting to be too intense. Once he’s there, you slow down or stop your stimulation, leaving him in an erotic frustration that will only make him want you more.  

You could make him give you an orgasm before he is allowed to orgasm,, you could require a full body massage before he gets more stimulation, or you could make him do a slightly silly task just for fun - remember, it’s all about what you want from your partner and what you’ve discussed beforehand.  

After your sub has been edged enough times, you can allow them to finally have a powerful, built up orgasm, or for a little more deviousness, you can deny them completely - making them hope for an orgasm another day. 

After a scene, it's important to discuss how the scene went, how you’re both feeling about it, and what changes to make for the next time. In the BDSM world, this is called “Aftercare” and can include lots of cuddles, talking, checking in and being loving.  It’s important that both partners feel loved and appreciated during your playtime together.

Femdom Toys For Beginners

Using toys can be an asset to setting an erotic scene. Luckily, in our world, we no longer have to go to underground sex shops to buy expensive fetish equipment.  There are many reputable stores that sell fetish kits. Here is a great basic kit from LoveHoney.

If you don’t know where to start, a bundle like this is a good choice to start with. It includes many different items to enhance your FemDom experience. You don’t have to use everything in the kit, but it gives a good sample of items so you can choose which items you really enjoy. 

Sensory play can be a big part of femdom, so a blindfold is a must have for beginners. Not only can it help a shy partner, but it adds an element of suspense and trust for the sub.  A collar also can be very erotic, as it gives the sub the feeling of being “owned”, which can be very exciting. Bondage toys such as rope, handcuffs, and restraints also give the sub a feeling of losing power and being vulnerable which is very sexy!

Lovehoney All You Need Bondage Kit (20 Piece)

You’ll have to discuss with your partner specifically which toys they’d like to play with. Some subs find anal play enthralling, while others find it painful. Some love to have their nipples tweaked and tortured, while others find no pleasure from it. Sometimes, you don’t know what you like until you try it, which is why a kit like the one above is so convenient - it has so many items to play with so you can decide if you’d like to invest in a higher quality of any of the toys.

It’s very important to be safe when playing with toys. Impact play can be harmful on some parts of the body, so it is important to learn which areas of the body can handle impact.  Bondage and rope play also must be done in a safe manner, allowing circulation and avoiding sensitive tendons and joints. Insertable toys should be made of a high quality material, washed with special sex toy cleaner, and stored in a lint-free bag or box alone.  Cheaper quality insertable sex toys are often unable to be sanitized appropriately and can cause reactions with sensitive skin. If you are delving into more intense play with toys, please take the appropriate measures to make sure the play is fun and safe for all involved.

3 Femdom Scenes To Try

Whew! So now that we have covered all the foreplay, teasing you throughout this article, it's time to get into our steamy, sizzling, simple femdom scenes - certified beginner friendly!

Annie and Rob’s Sensory Play:

Annie entered the bedroom where her husband Rob was laying on the bed. She entered the room in her sexiest lingerie - which for her was her husband’s tshirt and her favorite panties. 

“Strip for me,” Annie says.

Rob laughs a bit, and Annie steps closer.

“Tonight, I’m in control. Strip for me.”

Rob was excited that the scene they had discussed earlier was coming to light.  He stood up, and started casually taking off his clothes.

“I said, STRIP!” Annie said. “Whack!”

Rob felt a light spank across his behind and saw his wife holding a paddle. He found his wife being dominant really made him aroused.

Rob danced as he undressed for Annie. Once he was nude, she instructed him to lay down.

He laid on his stomach while she gently put a blindfold on him. 

“Now, I am going to touch you with several different objects. If you get it right, I’ll let you pleasure me for 5 minutes while you touch yourself- but no cumming.  If you get it wrong, you’ll get a whack with this paddle. Does that sound exciting to you, my servant?”

“Yes Goddess...yes, it sounds so amazing.”

Annie hadn’t had time to order any toys, but had several household items. A spatula, a screwdriver, a feather duster, a spoon, fork, and an ice cube.

She decided to start with an easy one and straddled her husband as she let her lips trace his skin. Grabbing the feather duster, she lightly stimulated him. 

“Mmmm….Goddess, that feels amazing, is that the feather duster?”

“Yes servant...you’re correct. Doesn’t that feel good? You get your reward of pleasuring me while you stroke.”

Rob headed down between his wife’s thighs and pleasured her orally while he edged himself. 

“Stop!” She said.  It couldn’t have been 5 minutes already? He was totally blind with lust.

“Get back on the bed,” Annie said.

Rob came back on the bed and Annie looked delightfully devilish as he laid down.

Annie and Rob continued the pattern with the rest of the objects. Rob got a few wrong, and got the paddle for it, but eventually got them all right and was able to give his FemDom wife an amazing orgasm. They both found the play was exciting and stimulating and agreed to try this scene again, but with different rewards and punishments.

Janice’s Body Worship

John really lucked out when he met Janice. He had always been an ass man, and Janice had an amazing one - just like the rest of her. Janice had been wanting to take a more dominant role in the bedroom and they had discussed playing a scene together.

Janice stepped naked out of the shower. John was blinded by her beautiful body, and especially her ass. She grabbed him by the hand and led him into the bedroom.

“I know you love my ass, John, but today you are going to worship every last part of me - from my head, to my toes. If you do a good enough job, I’ll let you also worship my ass.”

John was willing to do anything for her ass, so this would be an exciting task.

Janice grabbed the oil from the nightstand and gave it to John.

“Start with my feet,”  she instructed.

John started giving a simple massage to her feet.

“I said worship them - just like you would my ass. What, are my feet not good enough for you? I guess I’ll just have to get dressed--”

“No!” said John, as he started to kiss, lick, and worship his wife’s feet. He had never had a foot fetish, but kissing, licking, rubbing and worshiping his wife’s body in a new way was seriously stimulating.

She allowed him to continue kissing and working up her legs until he was near her ass. She could feel his desire to touch and worship her beautiful ass.

“Mistress, can I please worship your ass now?” John asked with lust.

“Not yet. Don’t you dare touch. Come start at the top of my head now and work downwards.”

“Yes, Mistress,” John said.

After licking, rubbing and touching every part of his wife’s beautiful body, she was intoxicated with pleasure, and him with desire.

“Ok, you deserve your treat. Come over here and worship my ass.”

John was so full of lust he worshipped her ass in a whole new way, finding the whole scene very erotic as they brought each other to mutual orgasm.

Chris Goes To The Principal’s Office

Erica was waiting at the door, when her partner, Chris entered from work.

Mr. Smith? I have been getting reports that you have been acting up in class.”

Chris looked at Erica, who was dressed in a button down white top, black skirt, pantyhose, and heels.  He had expressed to her that this outfit, combined with the power dynamic of being in the principal's office and vulnerable was very arousing. He had a pretty hot fetish for sheer pantyhose.

“Oh, uh, no...I haven’t,” stuttered Chris.

“Oh, so your teachers are lying, Chris? They say you’ve been looking up their skirts and down their blouses, just like you are now, aren’t you?”  teased Erica.

“I uh...you’re just really hot, Principal Erica…”

“That’s inappropriate behavior! You’re going to get a spanking for that. Come lay across my lap.” instructed Erica.

Chris meekly took down his boxers and went to lay across his wife’s lap.

Whack! Whack! Whack! 3 quick spanks on his bottom before Erica instructed him to stand.

Chris stood in front of Erica, with his erection exposed.

“I see that turns you on, Chris, look at you, hard for your principal - what do you think we should do about your rigid, hard cock? I have an idea,” . Erica purred as she put her hands on Chris’ cock.

“Every day after school, you’re going to come to me and get a spanking until you can understand how to act in class, okay, Chris?”

Chris could only moan in response as Erica stroked his shaft.

“You need a woman to control this horny cock, right Chris? I’m very jealous...and if I find out you’re looking up your teacher’s skirt again, I’ll never let you cum again, you don’t want that, do you?”

“Nooo….” moaned Chris.

“Now Chris, I want you to cum all over my nice, sheer pantyhose. Rub your cock on them and cum all over your principal’s panythose.”

Erica bent over in front of Chris, allowing him to rub the head of his cock all over her shiny pantyhose until he exploded into orgasm.  The scene was even hotter than his fantasy!

Now. Go Try It For Yourself...

I hope that by learning a little more about FemDom, you now feel empowered to start your own scene with your partner. Remember to communicate, play safe, and have fun!


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