This guide will help you explore CNC (consensual non consent) in a safe way.
For you and every other party involved.
So you can avoid any embarrassing hiccups or shame. Keep reading to find out what it is, role playing games you can try and other interesting ideas.
What Is A CNC Kink?
The CNC kink meaning is total submission, ravishing, blouse-button popping sex, where one party has to pretend they don’t want what’s happening. But they totally do.
To clarify, the CNC kink definition is to have the fantasy of non-consent, but with predetermined boundaries and safeguards.
It’s a consensual role-play with surprise, force, and submission elements.
So what is CNC kink in bed?
CNC doesn’t just refer to physical restriction, rough sex, and rape fantasies, but also fantasies surrounding kidnapping, slavery, blackmail, and hypnosis. CNC can be enhanced by dirty talk and role play and is one of the easiest fetishes to incorporate into your sex life.
Even a few simple touches - a ski mask here, a compromising photo there - can turn your CNC fantasy into a kinky almost-too-real reality.
Many of us have tried simple CNC, meaning sexually playing with non-consensual elements. Pretending your partner was a stranger, pretending to resist a pre-determined like, or letting your partner that “no” really means “yes” are all forms of CNC kink play.
There are a couple of other types of CNC kink. Let's explore those now...
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Somno Kink
Somno kink is a part of CNC kink when someone gets turned on by either sleeping or unconscious people, or wants someone to have sex with them while they are blacked out and unable to consent.
People with a somno kink get horny when they have no idea what is happening to them and someone is using them only as an object of pleasure.
This one is easy to play with - either let your partner catch you sleeping, or get your partner when they’re asleep!
You can even fake it for easy to play anytime.
Fluid (Bonding) Sexuality
Fluid bonding is the term for raw sex and sharing fluids.
Partners who are already fluid bonded may want to use a condom during CNC role-play, to leave no evidence of the “crime”. It also can make the sex feel more like a stranger since the sensation is different from unprotected sex.
Furthermore, if you want to start having sex without protection, it can be a scary event. Maybe role-playing and having your partner consensually “force” you are a great way to start.
How To Do Consensual Non Consent Safely
The meaning of consensual non-consent is completely reliant on consensual.
Because CNC kink usually incorporates the words, “no,”, and “stop,” it’s crucial to have a safeword to stop play.
Make this word easy to remember such as “ yellow” for slow down, and “red” for stop.
Before even starting play, talk through your fantasy with your partner. Let them know some elements you find exciting, what you find too overwhelming at the moment, and what’s too far.
Decide on a safeword and a physical symbol such as tapping your partner 3 times or clapping your hands. You may freeze up at the moment and forget the safeword.
Never let a partner coerce you into a scene you are not comfortable with or play with CNC with a partner you do not entirely trust, as they can turn a CNC scene scary quickly.
Don’t play high and don’t play drunk.
Make sure you set the scene with some water and something sugary nearby - blood sugar can drop at the moment.
If using restraints, skin-safe bondage scissors for an emergency. If you’re going to be doing any sort of impact play, arnica cream, bandages, and Neosporin are good ideas to have on hand.
The Games We Play: CNC Ideas
Kidnapping
Snatch your partner's attention by subjecting them to a consensual “kidnapping”. Kidnapping play can be done with just verbal teasing, or simpler by simply “kidnapping” them from the kitchen in a ski mask and throwing them on the bed. Or, force your victim into the car, blindfold them, take them to a cheap hotel and fuck them!
Your victim is now your property and could be a prisoner in a cheap hotel from now on, or a sex slave for multiple men. You could remove the hope of escape by revealing the police are paid off and no one is going to help them. Tie them up and take pictures of them and tell them you’re about to sell them unless they can convince you not to. The more verbal you can be the better!
However, be smart with this. If people see you dragging a blindfolded person into a white van in public, you could end up in an uncomfortable position with the police. Make sure to use safewords & do some pre-planning to make sure you can make arrangements in advance.
Perverted Physical Therapy
Your physical therapist is getting a little too handsy with their exam - don’t you think? You do trust that they know your body better than you do…so you let them do whatever they want. They start with a few odd gropes here and there - but before you know it, you’re in for a full internal exam - wasn’t this an appointment for your ankle?
Maybe your patient is in for her first appointment and is a bit uptight. They keep inching away - the tease. You can tell your patient is a bit annoyed with your wandering hands - even though it’s just procedure - so you have to treat them by force!
Set the scene with a doctor kit or white coat/nurse costume. Maybe there are some kinky tools that you need to experiment on your patient with. Take it to the next level and find a medfet playroom near you to get a near-real experience.
Black(mail) Betty
Play the mental game with some blackmail fantasy play. Has your accountant been fudging the numbers and stealing from the company and need to pay up? Maybe you caught your partner going somewhere humiliating, got pictures of them buying drugs, or are framing them for screenshots of controversial, career-ruining social posts.
Fake some screenshots or print their most incriminating photos - ready to give to whoever has the most power to ruin their life if they don’t do what you say.Get them in the bedroom and explain what you have. When they ask for proof, show it to them and how easily their life can be ruined.
Make sure you don’t do anything to actually incriminate your partner. Make sure any fake play content is destroyed after playing. Try creating fake emails and texts to send “blackmail” to, just in case.
Ready to dive in? Brush up on your bondage basics.
Is Having a CNC Kink Weird?
Not at all! A clinical study showed 62% of women have some degree of a CNC fetish. There are even celebrities into BDSM (check out #6!) There’s nothing wrong with you - you just enjoy experiencing and recreating sexual scenarios that are thrilling, kinky, and taboo.
CNC kink is all about the excitement of completely controlling someone or being controlled - without the consequences that come with real non-consent.
Some SA survivors can use CNC kinks as a coping mechanism. Daddy Dom/Little Girl relationships are often rooted in ageplay, and many people in the DDLG community report it’s a great way to get back control from traumatic experiences.
However, CNC is not a substitute for therapy, and if you find you are using this as a self-harm mechanism, please find a therapist.
CNC Kink Ideas
Horny Hypnotherapist
Your patient is coming to you for sex addiction, marital problems, or low libido. Maybe they need to break a porn habit or have some nymphomania. You hypnotize them with patterns, swirls, or just a dangling pendant while you lure them down into a relaxing experience. Make the client repeat after you: “I am horny, I need sex…”
Some people are susceptible to hypnosis - so make sure that you don’t actually hypnotize your partner. Remember to “wake them up” just in case after the experience.
Ready to get hypnotized? Get more tips here.Prisoner Pays Up
A sexy prisoner has been abandoned by all her supporters after new evidence in her trial.
Her commissary has dried up, and she has been barely getting by on the prison basics.
During night check...
You handcuff her in her cell and take advantage of her; promising to get her anything she needs from the commissary if she does everything you want.
Unlucky for her, no one else is on duty tonight so she can scream all she wants,
No one is saving her!
Try setting the scene with handcuffs (try fabric ones) a prison outfit, a cop uniform, or simulate the feeling of a stun gun with some electric play toys.
The ElectraPaddle Is Perfect For This Scene
Stalked & Sexed
You can have a lot of fun with this scenario where you become an obsessed stalker. Start the play days in advance by creating fake social accounts and message your partner obsessive, cryptic messages. Text them from burner numbers.
Leave a rose on their windshield with a note. Another on the front door. A note in lipstick on the mirror to let them know the stalker has made it into their house…they’re never safe! When will the stalker come in and rip off their clothes and force them into their obsessive kinky fantasies? Who knows!
Drugged Date
You’re out on a date with a great guy who is being…maybe just a bit too charming? Your partner takes out a “vitamin powder” to “prevent your hangover” and pours it into your drink before you can protest, but, you can trust him, right?
An hour later, you’re slurring your words and your vision blurs. You feel his hands all over you, but you can’t do anything about it. I guess the nice guy wasn't so nice after all.
(Remember - don’t play with actual drugs - always use body-safe alternatives.)
CNC Kink Online
You'll can find some great CNC stories online. We've found three top picks from Wattpad
- His Hidden Desire: About a King's forced relationship
- Boat Birthday Party: What happens after Jennifer turns 18 will make you fall out of your seat
- Daddy's Little Girl: What happens when a girl gives over control to a Daddy dom. Can he be trusted?
Want to see some memes about BDSM and CNC KINK? Try r/bdsmmemes for memes like this CNC Meme.
Check out CNC and other BDSM gifs here.
Ready to submit?
Remember, If you have a CNC fetish you’re not alone. There are many safe ways to explore aspects of this fetish - and it can be an exciting new way to be vulnerable with your partner. Stay safe, discuss boundaries, and have fun.
Ready to dive deeper into BDSM and need more advice? Take our free kink quiz.