What comes to mind when you think of a sex machine...?
Maybe you think of that fuckboy jock in college who just had to bone everything that moved. Or maybe you thought of some kind of science fiction advancement that renders person-to-person sex completely useless.
Well, the latter option may not be a complete reality, but sex machines do provide a great way to feel like you’re getting the bang of your life even if you don’t have a partner.
And that is part of the reason I have a bit of a soft spot for them. Because I think the world would be a much happier place if everyone had a little bit of action every now and then.
The Best Sex Machine has to be the The Cowgirl Premium Remote. It’s one of the few sex machines that doesn’t feel like you sitting on an actual machine’s and the added realism is nice. We review 5 more machines later on.
But before that lets go over some background information. So you can make a more informed buying decision!
What Is A Sex Machine?
Simply put…
A sex machine is a machine that simulates getting fucked in your pussy or ass (depending on the machine). While most sex machines come in a variety of shapes, usually, there’s a dildo attached to a thruster so all you need to do is sit or lie down with the machine in between your legs and let the machine have its dirty way with you.
And because we are still in control of machines (at the moment) whether you like to be fucked soft and slow or fast and hard, that's completely down to you.
While most sex machines come in a variety of shapes, most of them are made up of the same basic components: a dildo, a powerful motor, and some kind of thrusting motion.
Should I Get a Sex Machine?
This depends on a couple of factors.
The first being whether or not slightly mechanical-feeling sex is a turn-off.
Even if you use a sex machine with different thrusting patterns, most are going to feel like you’re getting roasted by a machine. Because the thrusts are very methodical and you’re not going to experience some of the little things you would while ‘shagging’ a real person like their warm breath on your skin or their hands exploring all the secrets of your body.
I personally like the idea of submitting myself to a sex-crazed robot since the contrast between a cold, unfeeling machine and the warm and very much human act of boning is a bit of a turn on.
(But I do acknowledge that this isn’t for everyone and I’m a bit of a deviant)
And the second factor is just how much space do you have…If you live somewhere small, you’re probably gonna want to pick up an inflatable machine. But if space is not a problem…Then go crazy!
Next, let’s take a closer look at the different types of sex machines I’m gonna cover.
Types of Sex Machine
Unisex Machines
These machines can be used by anyone, regardless of their gender. Some sex machines are only comfortably used if you have a vagina, which makes a unisex machine really useful.
That being said you’re probably not going to find one with a seat so you’ll need either provide your own chair to sit on or use it on a table or floor.
Inflatable Machines
Inflatable sex machines allow for easy storage and won’t drain your wallet. Quality does varies, and while you can sometimes find a decent quality inflatable sex machine, they usually leave a lot to be desired as some don’t last as long as they’re study cousins and others can be really loud.
Sex Chairs
These machines allow you to sit down and let the dildo penetrate you comfortably. Some come with the ability to rock back and forth to make penetration feel more natural.
You’ll find these toys deliver in the comfort department exceptionally and these are probably one of my favorite types since comfort is really important to me.
Of course, they’re not going to cost as little as an inflatable machine, but you can find some that don’t break the 1,000 dollar mark.
Just How Expensive Are Sex Machines?
This largely depends on the materials that are used to make the machine. Sex machines can range from less than a hundred dollars to several thousand(!) dollars.
If you try to buy something that’s super cheap, you may find it’s not gonna be an amazing experience. If you splurge and get the most expensive sex machine ever before you’ve even tried one, you may find you don’t like sex machines as much as you thought you would.
But I’ve actually found a sweet spot between affordability and quality. You’re going to want to look for a sex machine that costs at least a few hundred dollars. This may sound like a lot for some, but can you really put a price on an orgasm…
(And it beats a night in watching Netflix for sure!)Our Top 5 Sex Machines
Cloud 9 Novelties F-Slider Pro Self Pleasuring Sliding Sex Chair
Here’s one of the esteemed chair machines I mentioned earlier. I have to say, this one is super nice, too!
This machine comes equipped with a rocking motion that feels a lot more natural than the other sex machines on this list and also loved how comfortable it felt.
While I think it felt nice to use the Cowgirl, I enjoy using the Cloud 9 a lot more. It feels more natural to sit in a chair, rather than squat onto the Cowgirl. And if you don’t like the angle the dildo is at…
Just adjust it!
This beauty has It’s got all the little bells and whistles you could ask for but if only the included dildo was better quality. Yeah, it’s pretty awful.
So, if you have a dildo you really like, consider attaching that one to this machine instead. No biggie, but it’s a shame that such an expensive machine doesn’t come with a better one.
And I’m not joking when I say this is an expensive machine…You’re looking at several hundred dollars for this thing. I think it’s worth it, but the awful dildo made me feel slighted. But overall, this is such a good investment.
Pros
Cons
TOP PICK! 
The Cowgirl Premium Remote and App Controlled Riding Sex Machine
Here’s a sex machine similar to the fabled Sybian. Much like the Sybian, it’s obscenely expensive. That being said, the price is completely warranted. It’s super sturdy and this machine is capable of some super intense vibrations that’ll send you over the moon with how powerful they are!
You can’t get this level of power from a normal vibrator, that’s for sure.
I like to start slow by using the lower intensity vibrations for a little foreplay. I love to grind against The Cowgirl until I’m ready for a little extra speed. Then I turn it up and start riding it like the dirty little cowgirl I never knew I had inside of me. It’s not long until I’m shaking from my absolutely euphoric orgasm.
The Cowgirl also comes with two attachments so you can choose either clitoral stimulation or internal stimulation. I personally use the clitoral attachment more often since I prefer clitoral stimulation over the latter.
The vibrations can easily be changed with the remote wired to the machine which is pretty comfortable, I might add. Seriously, I love sitting on this thing. If I didn’t have adult obligations, I don’t think I’d ever get off of it.
Obviously, I recommend this sex machine to anyone who can afford to pick it up. You won’t regret it for a second!
Pros
Cons
LoveBotz Robo Fuk Deluxe Adjustable Sex Machine
Great name eh!
This baby has a dildo attached to an adjustable thruster so you can choose the best angle to get proper intensity.
And even though its vibrations are super strong, it’s a pretty quiet machine so you won’t have to worry about your roommates hearing you get your rocks off, that’s for sure.
If you are intimidated by the ‘super’ strong vibrations...Don't be! Because RoboCops half-sister has several different speeds as well so you can choose to start strong or gradually work your way up to your mindblowing orgasm.
Another great feature is when you’re not using it, you don’t have to struggle much to put it away. While it’s still going to take up a bit of space, you can collapse it a little bit for easier storage.
Now, it's not just fun for us girls because if you were born with an extra appendage this machine works for you to come with a penis stroker too. (So you can use it even anal isn’t your thing).
Unfortunately, all is not sunshine and rainbows. The cables come loose a bit too easily for my taste and if you bump into it even a little bit, the jack can come undone and you have to stop everything you’re doing to adjust it.
Needless to say, this is a pretty good machine. Just make sure you keep the cords unobstructed. You don’t want such a cool machine crapping out on you right before you cum.
Pros
Cons
Eden Fantasys Dark Magic Inflatable Sex Machine - Phthalate Free PVC Position Pillow
I’d have to say this is probably my least favorite machine on this list.
I’m not a big fan of inflatable machines since they usually take a hot minute to inflate (which is such a turnoff, honestly), so I’m probably a bit biased against this one.
But, in the spirit of being fair, I’ll talk about some of the things I liked first...
This toy comes with a selection of dildos, one of which has a pretty nice curvature to it. A lot of the dildos included with these machines are too straight to be comfortably used for vaginal or anal penetration. It’s nice to find a dildo that actually moves with the curves of your body for once.
I also like how strong the thrusts are. When I first tried this machine out, I was pleasantly surprised when I turned it on.
Then I tried to bring my partner in on the action. If you can arrange yourself in a certain position, you can actually simulate a threesome! I know, we were just as surprised.
So I suppose I can’t say this is a complete waste of a sex toy, but I’d recommend picking up the other inflatable sex machine on this list. It’s cheaper and it doesn’t require batteries.
Pros
Cons
Pipedream Inflatable Hot Seat Fetish Fantasy
First up we have the least expensive machine on this list: The Fetish Fantasy Inflatable Hot Seat.
This is an inflatable sex machine that also acts a bit like a chair machine.
Not to mention it’s less than one hundred dollars to boot! While you can’t switch the dildo out, I think it has a really nice feel and thickness so you probably won’t need a replacement anyway.
And the machine itself? It’s awesome! I really enjoyed how user friendly it is. The last thing I want to worry about is having to fight with my machine. I just want to sit back and cum a little!
Anyway, this particular sex-machine plugs in and sometimes those cords get in the way. While they aren’t really a nuisance, I’m trying to have a bone-rattling orgasm, not get tied up in cords.
I’ll save the bondage play for next Tuesday, please and thank you.
But all in all, I think it’s still a great sex machine if you’re looking for one that won’t force you to sell your firstborn. And yes, although you’re not going to get all of the bells and whistles that more expensive machines have, you’ll still enjoy it if you’re new to machine play!
Pros
Cons
In Conclusion…
My favorite sex machine on this list has to be the The Cowgirl Premium Remote. It’s one of the few sex machines I’ve found that doesn’t feel like a machine’s banging me. Yeah, on an intellectual level, you know you’re not being pounded by an actual human, but the added realism is nice.
Just remember to make sure you replace the dildo (the one they include is not great.)
Overall this machine itself feels a lot nicer and natural than the other sex machines I’ve tried. Overall, I think it’s a great option if you’re looking for a really nice sex machine, but you don’t want to drop thousands of dollars on one.